I’ve decided that I’m going to try to make the commitment to write about my noisy world- a noisy-messy world that is for the next 365 days. Each day is different. Some days are easier than others.
Please forgive me ahead of time~ I will NOT proofread my blog before publishing (mostly because I lack the time to do~ and I’m writing it directly from the heart).
Here’s a short, short history of my so-called “hearing.” I was born hearing impaired and wore behind the ear hearing aids for most of my life. One day, somewhere in my early 30s, I was told that I’ve lost a LOT of hearing and quickly became a candidate for the cochlear implant. I won’t go into details here~ but if you’re curious and want to know more about it~ check it out here: http://www.nidcd.nih.gov/health/hearing/pages/coch.aspx
The first surgery took place somewhere 2005 (or something like that)~ and only heard with one ear (you can read more about it in the earlier parts of this very blog). And then 2010, I got the left ear done. Not only was I able to hear out of two ears~ I also got a very upgraded and updated hearing processor~ so the world was not only clearer for the right ear but a helluva lot noisier with both ears.
So, Day 1
I’m on the last day of spring break. Since I don’t have to go to work~ I love not having to put on my hearing processor. It’s so nice and quiet~ well, not exactly, I hear my inner dialogue as I’m thinking. It’s still early, and it’s a gray, gray morning, after a very sunny and hot day yesterday, I decided to stay in bed. I love to look at the computer~ studying photographs, stumbling on Stumble Upon, get caught up on the latest news~ it’s so quiet. And, then Elyza comes in~ there’s a slight irritation at having to communicate (and yes, I feel terribly guilty). I give her a quick answer and then she leaves.
She’s with a friend~ so for some odd reason, I hear them giggling, chatting~ it’s probably more visual than the sound itself.
I have this new habit where I walk to the gas station with my dog~ with no hearing processor on~ to get coffee. I’ve been bringing my cup with soymilk already in it~ and these guys for some reason never make me pay. Anyhow, it’s so quiet~ yet it’s not, there’s internal noise~ I can see the leaves on the trees moving, so I hear an internal wind. I see the cars speeding by, so I hear the roar of them (or maybe am I really feeling the vibration?). As I walk into the crowded gas station, there’s a man wearing a bright orange jacket leaning on the counter looking right at me, nodding his head, “It’s so cold outside today isn’t it?” I can’t hear him but I’m reading his lips~ I answer, “Yes, it is…” But, I keep my eyes on him in case he wants to say more. He doesn’t. I’m relieved. But, I can’t help but wonder if I sound “funny”~ as some people like to remind me, while not hearing myself. I am constantly looking around at people to make sure (yet hoping they’re not) talking to me. I don’t want to seem rude~ and have been accused of being rude many times when I don’t respond to people.
I went to the store~ again, without hearing processor on. I imagine people being horrified with me for driving a car and going into a store because I chose to leave the hearing processors home. But you see, you don’t understand, it really is noisy~ so uncomfortable~ and I’m not talking to anyone (or at least I hope that I don’t have to).
And, then I go to the gym. Without the hearing processors. I can internally hear the tv blaring, the machines whirring, people panting.
When I return to the house, I’ve noticed that I’ve got a message~ a freaking voicemail~ as much as I love my family, I really really wish they would text me instead. It really seems to take a lot of out of me to listen to the voicemail~ sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t listen to them. I always hope that it’s not an emergency. I put on the processor~ only one~ and there’s that full blast of noise~ dog walking on hardwood floor, all these other noise that happen in the house~ I can’t block them out like a normal hearing person can. So I call my mother back~ speaking and hearing on the phone with my family is not hard~ but it takes effort for me to listen. Texting is really one of the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Quick, painless, to the point. It even has a nice green light that blinks anytime I get a text, e-mail or phone call.
That’s all for today. Tomorrow, it’s back to the noisy grind at work 🙂