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Activation: Part I

After the surgery, I had to wait two weeks for the swelling to go down before getting “activated.” My father and sister had decided to come join me in the celebration. I had walked in the doctor’s office with such confidence–just feeling like nothing would go wrong.

Before having my processor activated, the audiologist showed me piece by piece what each part of the processor did. She explained exactly how to use the little computer—seriously, step by step, I thought she would never turn on the sounds that I had been so anxiously waiting for. Alas, the moment had come.
As soon as the sound had come on, it was like I had suddenly been shifted into another world. My heart was beating very quickly, my breathing became labored and I really thought I had made a mistake! A very big mistake, I slouched down in my chair, wanting so badly to curl into a fetus position. Ah, the noise! The godawful noise! What was all this whirring, click clacking, pshh pshhing of a sound? So many different sounds coming from so many different places—all different tones, melodies, none really belong to the other. Tears were pouring out my eyes–I slowly looked up at my father–oh that look in his eyes, that helpless look, you could see that he wanted to take my fear away. And, my sister, immediately jumped to her feet and hugged me. I was so numbed that I didn’t feel anything.
“Amy, look at me. It’s all going to be okay in just a few minutes. I promise. Start talking…baaa baaa…baaaa…say it….” she looked at me in the eyes with a very confident smile. It was all happening in such a slow motion. I repeated after her, feeling silly, not at all liking the way I sounded.
It was like somewhat like a pin-ball machines where the noise was constant and sounds were darting all over the place. I had wondered why I ever wanted to hear in the first place. Apparently, the sounds are sounds that were always there but I had never heard it. And it didn’t help that my nerves were in shock and were trying figure out how to make the best use of the sounds. So, in order not to overwhelm me even more so, they programmed the “processor” to focus on softer and lower sounds and will gradually up the sound and eventually it will become clearer and clearer as time goes on. However, I was not enjoying it at the moment, I heard things I hadn’t heard in awhile such as the blinker in the car and the tea kettle, and so on.

About Amy Pogrebin Bremenstuhl

Life is noisy~ in a messy way. I thought I'd try writing about surviving the hearing world every day for 365 Days.

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